Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thankful

"Thou hast given so much to me,
Give one thing more, - a grateful heart;
Not thankful when it pleaseth me,
As if Thy blessings had spare days,
But such a heart whose pulse may be Thy praise."
~George Herbert

How many times do I only want to be thankful when it is convenient for us? Am I only willing to be thankful when I get my own way? Shamefully I have to say I am thankful only when it is convenient.

Too many times I am angry and unsatisfied with Tim when we do not see eye-to-eye and often I am upset with my children when they do not listen. But during this Thanksgiving day and throughout the holidays I am often reminded of how thankful I am to have these three men in my life and it makes me sad to think of the number of times I complain about something to do with them when it seems inconvenient to me.

Tim is my strength. He has a giving heart and he is very loving. Too many times I do not give him credit when he does something special or "out of the norm" because I am caught up in my own human skin wondering why people are not noticing everything I do.

Matthew and Benjamin are such bright, vibrant boys. They are both intelligent and intuitive. They can always say the right thing at the right time if I choose to listen to them. They are always there with a well-placed hug or a random "I love you mom!"

So today, this day of Thanksgiving, I am thankful to have such wonderful men in my life. I pray that I will choose to acknowledge and recognize the efforts they put forth and be more loving towards them.

I am thankful for these blessings that I do not deserve!





Sunday, November 7, 2010

Comfort


God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea. Psalm 46:1-2

This week I have found myself thinking about comfort a lot. I have been able to be a source of comfort for my children a lot this week; between illness and uncertainty and feeling overwhelmed, I have been there. Even when Benjamin is mad and upset (and kicking and screaming) that it is naptime he clings to me and buries his head into my shoulder as we walk to his room. Even when Matthew feels overwhelmed because he has a doctor appointment which may result in bloodwork (which means a sharp needle that he wants nothing to do with), he can snuggle up next to me and find solace while he waits to find out what the doctor wants to do next. That I can be a source of peace and assurance for my children is a comfort to me.

Comfort comes in many shapes and sizes but as I have thought about comfort so much I am reminded of the greatest comfort of all. God. Just as I am able to be there for my children, He is there for all of us. He is there when I am unsure or feeling lost and out-of-control. He is with us when we are at our best and when we are at our worst, loving us despite it all.

I know this was not a long post but I will leave you with part of one of the hymns we sang at church this morning which I think sums it all up. When we are down and in need of comfort, look to God because you can trust that He is there for you.


I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.
~excerpt from 'Tis so Sweet to Trust in Jesus


Friday, October 22, 2010

I Am Blessed!

“The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.” ~Eric Hoffer 
This week caused me to think a lot about blessings. I had a rather profound discussion with one of my students this week. He was intent on trying to convince me that there was such a thing as luck. He claimed that his team was unlucky when they lost a big game on a rare error, etc. I challenged him and told him that while I may throw out a reference to being lucky or unlucky on occasion, believing in being lucky or unlucky is a lot like superstition to me. I would rather believe that God has a plan for me and it will be laid out in His plan. That means that sometimes things are going to seem to go my way while other times they will not. It may mean sever heartache while at other times it will mean abounding joy.
 
So I challenged my student by posing my belief to him in this way. If I believed in being lucky or unlucky I would have to say that Livia was unlucky to have been born with MPS3A and my family was unlucky to have had a child with MPS3A born into it. I told my student that I could never say any such thing because Livia has been one of the greatest blessings to many people. Jacob and Kelly have started a foundation in Livia's name to educate and raise awareness; that, in an of itself, is a huge blessing. It has also caused us to pull together as a family and dig deep down into our beliefs and hold tight to our faith. I realize what Livia's diagnosis means for her and my family. In fact, having recently found out that I am a carrier of the MPS gene, I have received a "crash course" in what that may mean for our family. So after this conversation my student sat and thought and said he would have to agree that one cannot solely put everything into being lucky or unlucky and rather he would have to think of things in a different light now. I guess, maybe someday, he will feel blessed when things go his way and wait for things to be different when things are not going as he planned.
 
On another note, this week marked another year of life for me. While some people may not think that a birthday is a big deal once you are over 20-something, I find it to be a blessing. It is not that I think that everyone should stop what they are doing and celebrate my life, it is just that I feel like it is a blessing to have been granted another year. Some really cool things happened this year. My family (mom, dad, brothers, etc.) experienced it first, real family vacation (which meant we were not visiting a fairgrounds nor were we staying in a relative's home) and I took my first plane trip to visit family in L.A. and really, really enjoyed it. Are those the only cool things that happened this year? No, but both of those things were really "big" as far as happenings go. I cannot claim that this was my best year ever but it was another year of life with my family and that means far more than any party I will ever be thrown in my name on this earth.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Proximity

"The family - that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to." ~Dodie Smith

 
There are a lot of people I know that do not want to live as close to their parents as Tim and I do. I find that a little sad but I also understand the feeling.

Living close to our parents means they have access to us at almost any given time. That has its advantages. If we need help with the kids we have someone to call; like the last couple of days Matthew was out of school and he was either going to have to go to work with me or I was going to have to stay home during a busy time at work. Likewise, if they need help with something, we can be there for them. For example, twice recently I was able to help out both sets of parents. A few weekends ago my parents were out of town; I was able to take my Grandma to an important appointment. That benefitted them and me because I got some really great time with my Grandma but they were able to enjoy another activity and I was very glad for them. Just last week I was able to be there for Tim's grandmother after she fell and ended up in the E.R. Another family member was on the way but I happened to be right down the block from the E.R. when I heard the news. I was very glad to be able to help because, after all, that is what family is for, right?!

Now, here are the disadvantages. We are always here but so are they. That sounds terrible for me to say, right?! Let me explain. Being here means that I never have the advantage of spending 24/7 with my parents or Tim's. Someone always has to go home. Sure, my children can go spend the night but they do not have the advantage of getting many full days of fun with the grandparents. What I mean to say is, we and our parents still have obligations here. When my brothers come with their families or Amy and Ryan come, they have the advantage of spending a lot of time with our parents in their homes. Likewise, when my parents go for a visit, my brother's families get them for extended periods without my parents having to run off to do something else (like take care of an animal).

So while it seems I may have the advantage of proxmimity I also have the curse of proximity. Regardless, I will be thankful for the time I have with our parents as far too often I am reminded of the fact that far too often the time is up before it seems it even begins.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Life and Death

Today I am reminded about how fragile life is and that we need to make the most of our moments. I know, firsthand, what it is like to race from one commitment to another with very few moments to stop and think and forget getting the rare moment to myself. There are many days I long for even five minutes of quiet. But days like today make me feel differently.

My days are often spent racing around to get Matthew together for school, Benjamin ready for his day, and myself ready to head to work (not necessarily by myself but somedays I feel like it is all on me). After Matthew leaves for school, and Benjamin and I get ready it's a race to get Benjamin to daycare and me to work. I know that I need to work and I know that I help others through the work that I do (and that is important to me) but I feel like I miss so much.

Today I was blessed with the rare opportunity to just sit and watch my kids play together after Matthew got home from school. It was such a joy to let them play for such a long time and for me to sit and listen to them as they defended the base from the invading monsters. Today was a rare moment when we could relax and not have to worry about where we had to be next (since we no longer have football in the evenings). It was such an unbelievable blessing.

It makes me realize that I spend too much time worrying about everything there is to be done and all the ways we tend to overcommit ourselves. I pray that I can take the time to enjoy these moments and even create some of these moments for my family when I get the opportunity.

So while today started as a day to mourn it ended up as a day that made me celebrate my life. Thank you Lord for all of the blessings in my life and the opportunities I have to spend time with some pretty incredible people.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Lessons Learned

"I am a member of a team, and I rely on the team. I defer to it and sacrifice for it, because the team, not the individual, is the ultimate champion." ~Mia Hamm

So many times I think I am going to teach my boys a lesson when they actually end up teaching me a lesson. This year's football season has been rough to say the least. But here is what I learned.

Today I was talking with another parent about what is deemed fair or not. If, for example, Matthew was considered one of the better players on the football team would I even pay attention to other children who were not getting play. I could not honestly answer that question because I have not experienced it. I can say that I have been upset, as have other members of my family, that Matthew has not gotten a lot of playing time. I know of other families that have also been just as upset and maybe even more upset than we have. In all fairness, I also have to say I am very thankful that we have a coaching staff willing to give so much time for our boys because coaching football is not something that Tim and I can commit to doing. I can also say that, while I recognize that my son is not one of the best players on the team, we give as much time and sometimes more than other players on the team (who are playing multiple sports) that get to play 3 and 4 times as much as Matthew does.

Matthew is new to football; this is only his 2nd year. He has a lot to learn about the sport but it seems to be something he wants to do and, for the most part, he really enjoys it. Mostly, I think Matthew may have joined the football team 2 years ago because when we came to the Jamaica school district 3 years ago, he found it difficult to fit in and make new friends. I can completely understand the desire to fit in and make friends when you feel you really do not belong. Maybe joining a sports team is not a way to do that but maybe it is. However, joining football is what he wanted to do. He has learned some really good things but he still has a lot to learn about the sport. He is also slow to "warm up" in the sense that the longer he plays in a game the better he plays. So, for example, by the end of the last game he was in on a tackle and recovered a fumble (but not in his first play on the field).

Here is where Matthew taught me a lesson. Despite very little playing time during this year (one game he only got to play one play), Matthew never complained. When other parents yelled at him as he came off the field because he made a mistake, Matthew never complained. Matthew was content to get on the field when they let him and play his hardest while he was on the field. While I felt grumbly and hurt for my child who should have gotten more playing time, Matthew was content to be a part of the team...win or lose (and we lost all but 1 game this season). Matthew NEVER complained and never said anything. He was excited when he played well and graciously accepted praise and complements when he did well but he didn't complain when he didn't play. He never said anything about it until today when he mentioned he might not play next year because he wasn't allowed to play much this year. Even when he said this, it wasn't a complaint; he was just stating a fact to me.

Maybe we should all be more content to be a part of the team and look out and cheer for the others in our life. Matthew, I thank you for your kind and loving heart that even when things are not fair, you still have a forgiving nature and your are not full of anger and frustration. Thank you God for teaching me a lesson through my son.