Lions & Tigers & Boys! Oh My!

My Name Is Love

2011-08-30T16:33:00.001-05:00

"Fill the cup of happiness for others, and there will be enough overflowing to fill yours to the brim." ~Rose Pastor Stokes

On Saturday, August 27, 2011, I had the blessing of being involved in the 1st Annual Liv to Ride Poker Run and Fun Day to benefit the Liv Life Foundation. For those of you who do not know me, my niece Livia has a terminal disease called Sanfilippo syndrome. Sanfilippo syndrome is a genetic disorder; children with this disorder are missing an enzyme that helps break down sugar proteins in their bodies. The protein builds in tissues and organs and it becomes a neurological disorder. The life expectancy of a child with Sanfilippo Syndrome is 9-20 years. The Liv Life Foundation, http://www.livlife.us/, was founded by my sister-in-law and brother to help raise awareness and research funding for this disease. None of the money goes to my brother and his wife.

So this brings me to my point. Saturday brought out so many people who came together in love and support for Livia and my family. There were many people we saw and some that participated anonymously. There were people from all walks of life and different backgrounds and every one of them was there for a common cause. It does not matter what their names were, in my book they are all called love because each of them cared enough to come together to help us in the fight to save Liv's Life.

I would like to personally thank Bob and Ruth Ann Voight, owners of the 4-Way Saloon in Sidell, IL; the 4-Way Saloon staff members: Dawn, Kathy, and Leesa; the members of the band New Twang City; the Sidney Saloon in Sidney, Wild Willie's in Brocton, Town & Country Tap in Ridge Farm, Julie's in Westville, Under Caution outside of Danville, and The Brunswick in Westville; and Rinda Maddox for writing a story on Livia in The Sidell Reporter. All of these people came together and gave freely of their time for our event and I am forever grateful for the hard work and love you put into making the event a success.

A special thanks to my husband, Tim, who worked very hard pulling some things together and giving a lot of his time in the weeks leading up to the event. I really do appreciate everything you do sweetheart.

For Granted or Gratitude

2011-08-01T20:18:00.000-05:00

"When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude." ~Gilbert K. Chesterton

When someone does something for you, do you remember to thank them even if you consider it to be there job? Maybe the job is not a fun job but someone has to do it; do you still thank that person even if you deem the job beneath you?

When you have a friend or family member that always goes out of their way to help you, do you remember to thank him or her? How about the simple fact that a family member is close by, do you think about that person the way you do a person far away. Do you think, wow I really miss him when I do not see him whether he lives two miles away or two hundred?

Do you thank your spouse when he/she does something to help you? You may think that he/she should be helping you but there are a lot of spouses out there that do not ever offer to help.

One of the things I am trying to teach my boys is that they need to be thankful for everything. When the waiter brings your drink (yes it is his job to bring it to you) but thank him or her for doing this. When mom folds your laundry, even though you have to put it away, be thankful that you have clean laundry to put away.

My dad always said to us, "Always make sure those you love know how much you love them and how much they mean to you." This lesson has really hit home over the last ten years when I have lost some really incredible family members and friends. This is another thing I want my boys to realize; just because you plan to or think you will see someone in a couple of days, a week, a month it is not guaranteed.

It is ok to take an hour off of work every now and then to spend extra time with your family. It is good to call a family member more than when you need something; it is easy to call someone you love when you need support but just call because you can. Take the time to have an attitude of gratitude for those people you should be appreciative for instead of taking them for granted. One thing that would make our lives much nicer is if more people thought about what we have to be thankful for more often instead of taking other people for granted.

Defining Someone

2011-03-07T15:19:00.001-06:00

Definition of DEFINE
1a : to determine or identify the essential qualities or meaning of b : to discover and set forth the meaning of (as a word) c : to create on a computer
2a : to fix or mark the limits of : demarcate b : to make distinct, clear, or detailed especially in outline
3: characterize, distinguish
~Definition from Merriam-Webster, m-w.com

I love to sing but I cannot be defined as a singer. I have allergies but they do not define me; they may change my world in a way that I have to do some things differently but I am not defined by my allergies. We all have things in our lives that help us become who we are supposed to be.

How many times do we look at someone and put a label on them or define them, maybe we even feel sorry for them. Oh, that person has cancer, or MPS, or asperger's syndrome. We need to look past the condition and see the person. We can help be a part of who that person is or who they will become by the way we treat him or her. More importantly he or she may become a part of who we are and who we become. There are lessons to be learned from these people and these conditions.

One of the biggest lessons I have learned in the last few years is to not judge a person or their children by always assuming that someone has bad parenting skills (I am not saying there are not bad parents out there). However, maybe, just maybe, that parent is dealing with a child with autism who cannot handle another change for the day or a child who is uncomfortable and unable to express his or herself in a way other than to have a meltdown. Should these parents not be allowed to do their shopping or have a meal out with their families? Should we define the child as a bad child with bad behavior whose parents are bad parents?

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb." Psalm 139:13

Should we not acknowledge that God created all of us to be unique individuals and accept each for who they are instead of defining people (and feeling embarrassed, sorry, or ashamed) for someone because of something we define as being a problem?

I challenge you to become someone who no longer seeks to define an individual based on what you see as a deficit and accept them for who they are and during that journey perhaps you will allow them to teach you who you are supposed to be.

One

2011-02-04T11:40:00.000-06:00

"Never forget that you are one of a kind. Never forget that if there weren't any need for you in all your uniqueness to be on this earth, you wouldn't be here in the first place. And never forget, no matter how overwhelming life's challenges and problems seem to be, that one person can make a difference in the world. In fact, it is always because of one person that all the changes that matter in the world come about. So be that one person." ~R. Buckminster Fuller

I have been holding on to this quote just waiting for the right time to use it. Today is that time. I have been waiting for something for a long time; waiting for someone to do the right thing and give me the hope and direction I needed to make a difference for someone very near and dear to my heart. I got that news yesterday and now I have to make a difference.

I realize my new information may cause a whole new set of problems for me. Regardless, I will use my information to be the one for someone who needs me right now. When I feel down and a little like I have no direction or purpose I am going to remind myself that if it were not for me and my persistence, my dear someone would have been left to fail and be forgotten by all of those who refused to step up and do the right thing. I will fight the battle even though it might be long and hard.

How many times do you know in your heart that something more needed to be done but you felt that you were just one person. I challenge you today. Be the one person that can and will make a difference. You may not see it in your time but you may certainly set the ball rolling to make something right for someone else.

Introspection and Resolution

2011-01-09T19:56:00.000-06:00

"Guard within yourself that treasure, kindness,

Know how to give without hesitation,

how to lose without regret, how to acquire

without meanness; know how to replace

in your heart, by the happiness of those you love,

the happiness that may be wanting to yourself."

~George Sand

During the recent holiday season I spent a lot of time thinking about the things I have done that I am proud of and the things I need to change. I really started to take a look at things back in November before Thanksgiving and have made a commitment to myself and others in my life that I will do what I can to live a better life for myself and, in turn, I will make a better life for my family.

This year I have found it very easy to take out my anger and hurt on others closest to me. You see, most of what I need to change has to do with being unforgiving, disrespectful, and rude. I have participated in cutting someone else down for no reason whatsoever. I tend to hurt the people closest to me the most probably because I expect them to forgive me the easiest. A trusted friend once told me that if you see something negative going on (be it gossip, slander, aggression, etc.) and stand idly by you are just as bad if not worse than the person committing the act. So I refuse to be a part of the problem anymore. I vow to make a change to be a better person who is more forgiving and tolerant of others, especially my husband and my children.

I am writing this today - and not last week - because, after spending a lot of time thinking about the shooting deaths in Arizona, I feel it is relevant. This tragedy in Arizona is just a reminder of how intolerance, anger, and hatred have no place in our lives. Sadly, this young man felt he was so right in his belief that he took the lives of the innocent, including a nine-year-old girl (I think it really hits home that this girl is just a year younger than my oldest). I realize what happened is extreme but these feelings of his started somewhere. They started with feeling hurt or upset because he was disappointed by not getting what he wanted or because he was jealous of another person. He felt entitled.

We have all seen this; it is that parent who feels that his children were more entitled to things because they are better than the other kids. Some people feel entitled because of the length of time they spent doing something or how much historical knowledge they had about something; history and time are great but sometimes it is important to make changes. We have seen those that feel better than someone else because we do not drink or smoke, maybe because we live in a better house or because we feel our school is better than yours. These feelings are not healthy. If this is what we teach our children it is wrong. We can teach our children that we believe in them individually and give them the right ideas, courage, faith, and love without cutting someone else down in the process.

What changes can you make today? How can you make your life and the lives around you better and help create an environment full of tolerance and forgiveness. These small changes can cause a ripple effect and, in time, maybe we will start to see more tolerance and forgiveness within our own homes, communities, and beyond.

Thankful

2010-11-25T19:18:00.000-06:00

"Thou hast given so much to me,
Give one thing more, - a grateful heart;
Not thankful when it pleaseth me,
As if Thy blessings had spare days,
But such a heart whose pulse may be Thy praise."
~George Herbert

How many times do I only want to be thankful when it is convenient for us? Am I only willing to be thankful when I get my own way? Shamefully I have to say I am thankful only when it is convenient.

Too many times I am angry and unsatisfied with Tim when we do not see eye-to-eye and often I am upset with my children when they do not listen. But during this Thanksgiving day and throughout the holidays I am often reminded of how thankful I am to have these three men in my life and it makes me sad to think of the number of times I complain about something to do with them when it seems inconvenient to me.

Tim is my strength. He has a giving heart and he is very loving. Too many times I do not give him credit when he does something special or "out of the norm" because I am caught up in my own human skin wondering why people are not noticing everything I do.

Matthew and Benjamin are such bright, vibrant boys. They are both intelligent and intuitive. They can always say the right thing at the right time if I choose to listen to them. They are always there with a well-placed hug or a random "I love you mom!"

So today, this day of Thanksgiving, I am thankful to have such wonderful men in my life. I pray that I will choose to acknowledge and recognize the efforts they put forth and be more loving towards them.

I am thankful for these blessings that I do not deserve!

Comfort

2010-11-07T20:02:00.002-06:00

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea. Psalm 46:1-2

This week I have found myself thinking about comfort a lot. I have been able to be a source of comfort for my children a lot this week; between illness and uncertainty and feeling overwhelmed, I have been there. Even when Benjamin is mad and upset (and kicking and screaming) that it is naptime he clings to me and buries his head into my shoulder as we walk to his room. Even when Matthew feels overwhelmed because he has a doctor appointment which may result in bloodwork (which means a sharp needle that he wants nothing to do with), he can snuggle up next to me and find solace while he waits to find out what the doctor wants to do next. That I can be a source of peace and assurance for my children is a comfort to me.

Comfort comes in many shapes and sizes but as I have thought about comfort so much I am reminded of the greatest comfort of all. God. Just as I am able to be there for my children, He is there for all of us. He is there when I am unsure or feeling lost and out-of-control. He is with us when we are at our best and when we are at our worst, loving us despite it all.

I know this was not a long post but I will leave you with part of one of the hymns we sang at church this morning which I think sums it all up. When we are down and in need of comfort, look to God because you can trust that He is there for you.

I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.
~excerpt from 'Tis so Sweet to Trust in Jesus

I Am Blessed!

2010-10-22T16:32:00.000-05:00

“The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.” ~Eric Hoffer
This week caused me to think a lot about blessings. I had a rather profound discussion with one of my students this week. He was intent on trying to convince me that there was such a thing as luck. He claimed that his team was unlucky when they lost a big game on a rare error, etc. I challenged him and told him that while I may throw out a reference to being lucky or unlucky on occasion, believing in being lucky or unlucky is a lot like superstition to me. I would rather believe that God has a plan for me and it will be laid out in His plan. That means that sometimes things are going to seem to go my way while other times they will not. It may mean sever heartache while at other times it will mean abounding joy.

So I challenged my student by posing my belief to him in this way. If I believed in being lucky or unlucky I would have to say that Livia was unlucky to have been born with MPS3A and my family was unlucky to have had a child with MPS3A born into it. I told my student that I could never say any such thing because Livia has been one of the greatest blessings to many people. Jacob and Kelly have started a foundation in Livia's name to educate and raise awareness; that, in an of itself, is a huge blessing. It has also caused us to pull together as a family and dig deep down into our beliefs and hold tight to our faith. I realize what Livia's diagnosis means for her and my family. In fact, having recently found out that I am a carrier of the MPS gene, I have received a "crash course" in what that may mean for our family. So after this conversation my student sat and thought and said he would have to agree that one cannot solely put everything into being lucky or unlucky and rather he would have to think of things in a different light now. I guess, maybe someday, he will feel blessed when things go his way and wait for things to be different when things are not going as he planned.

On another note, this week marked another year of life for me. While some people may not think that a birthday is a big deal once you are over 20-something, I find it to be a blessing. It is not that I think that everyone should stop what they are doing and celebrate my life, it is just that I feel like it is a blessing to have been granted another year. Some really cool things happened this year. My family (mom, dad, brothers, etc.) experienced it first, real family vacation (which meant we were not visiting a fairgrounds nor were we staying in a relative's home) and I took my first plane trip to visit family in L.A. and really, really enjoyed it. Are those the only cool things that happened this year? No, but both of those things were really "big" as far as happenings go. I cannot claim that this was my best year ever but it was another year of life with my family and that means far more than any party I will ever be thrown in my name on this earth.

Proximity

2010-10-11T19:58:00.000-05:00

"The family - that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to." ~Dodie Smith

There are a lot of people I know that do not want to live as close to their parents as Tim and I do. I find that a little sad but I also understand the feeling.

Living close to our parents means they have access to us at almost any given time. That has its advantages. If we need help with the kids we have someone to call; like the last couple of days Matthew was out of school and he was either going to have to go to work with me or I was going to have to stay home during a busy time at work. Likewise, if they need help with something, we can be there for them. For example, twice recently I was able to help out both sets of parents. A few weekends ago my parents were out of town; I was able to take my Grandma to an important appointment. That benefitted them and me because I got some really great time with my Grandma but they were able to enjoy another activity and I was very glad for them. Just last week I was able to be there for Tim's grandmother after she fell and ended up in the E.R. Another family member was on the way but I happened to be right down the block from the E.R. when I heard the news. I was very glad to be able to help because, after all, that is what family is for, right?!

Now, here are the disadvantages. We are always here but so are they. That sounds terrible for me to say, right?! Let me explain. Being here means that I never have the advantage of spending 24/7 with my parents or Tim's. Someone always has to go home. Sure, my children can go spend the night but they do not have the advantage of getting many full days of fun with the grandparents. What I mean to say is, we and our parents still have obligations here. When my brothers come with their families or Amy and Ryan come, they have the advantage of spending a lot of time with our parents in their homes. Likewise, when my parents go for a visit, my brother's families get them for extended periods without my parents having to run off to do something else (like take care of an animal).

So while it seems I may have the advantage of proxmimity I also have the curse of proximity. Regardless, I will be thankful for the time I have with our parents as far too often I am reminded of the fact that far too often the time is up before it seems it even begins.

Life and Death

2010-09-28T18:49:00.000-05:00

Today I am reminded about how fragile life is and that we need to make the most of our moments. I know, firsthand, what it is like to race from one commitment to another with very few moments to stop and think and forget getting the rare moment to myself. There are many days I long for even five minutes of quiet. But days like today make me feel differently.

My days are often spent racing around to get Matthew together for school, Benjamin ready for his day, and myself ready to head to work (not necessarily by myself but somedays I feel like it is all on me). After Matthew leaves for school, and Benjamin and I get ready it's a race to get Benjamin to daycare and me to work. I know that I need to work and I know that I help others through the work that I do (and that is important to me) but I feel like I miss so much.

Today I was blessed with the rare opportunity to just sit and watch my kids play together after Matthew got home from school. It was such a joy to let them play for such a long time and for me to sit and listen to them as they defended the base from the invading monsters. Today was a rare moment when we could relax and not have to worry about where we had to be next (since we no longer have football in the evenings). It was such an unbelievable blessing.

It makes me realize that I spend too much time worrying about everything there is to be done and all the ways we tend to overcommit ourselves. I pray that I can take the time to enjoy these moments and even create some of these moments for my family when I get the opportunity.

So while today started as a day to mourn it ended up as a day that made me celebrate my life. Thank you Lord for all of the blessings in my life and the opportunities I have to spend time with some pretty incredible people.

Lessons Learned

2010-09-26T17:02:00.004-05:00

"I am a member of a team, and I rely on the team. I defer to it and sacrifice for it, because the team, not the individual, is the ultimate champion." ~Mia Hamm

So many times I think I am going to teach my boys a lesson when they actually end up teaching me a lesson. This year's football season has been rough to say the least. But here is what I learned.

Today I was talking with another parent about what is deemed fair or not. If, for example, Matthew was considered one of the better players on the football team would I even pay attention to other children who were not getting play. I could not honestly answer that question because I have not experienced it. I can say that I have been upset, as have other members of my family, that Matthew has not gotten a lot of playing time. I know of other families that have also been just as upset and maybe even more upset than we have. In all fairness, I also have to say I am very thankful that we have a coaching staff willing to give so much time for our boys because coaching football is not something that Tim and I can commit to doing. I can also say that, while I recognize that my son is not one of the best players on the team, we give as much time and sometimes more than other players on the team (who are playing multiple sports) that get to play 3 and 4 times as much as Matthew does.

Matthew is new to football; this is only his 2nd year. He has a lot to learn about the sport but it seems to be something he wants to do and, for the most part, he really enjoys it. Mostly, I think Matthew may have joined the football team 2 years ago because when we came to the Jamaica school district 3 years ago, he found it difficult to fit in and make new friends. I can completely understand the desire to fit in and make friends when you feel you really do not belong. Maybe joining a sports team is not a way to do that but maybe it is. However, joining football is what he wanted to do. He has learned some really good things but he still has a lot to learn about the sport. He is also slow to "warm up" in the sense that the longer he plays in a game the better he plays. So, for example, by the end of the last game he was in on a tackle and recovered a fumble (but not in his first play on the field).

Here is where Matthew taught me a lesson. Despite very little playing time during this year (one game he only got to play one play), Matthew never complained. When other parents yelled at him as he came off the field because he made a mistake, Matthew never complained. Matthew was content to get on the field when they let him and play his hardest while he was on the field. While I felt grumbly and hurt for my child who should have gotten more playing time, Matthew was content to be a part of the team...win or lose (and we lost all but 1 game this season). Matthew NEVER complained and never said anything. He was excited when he played well and graciously accepted praise and complements when he did well but he didn't complain when he didn't play. He never said anything about it until today when he mentioned he might not play next year because he wasn't allowed to play much this year. Even when he said this, it wasn't a complaint; he was just stating a fact to me.

Maybe we should all be more content to be a part of the team and look out and cheer for the others in our life. Matthew, I thank you for your kind and loving heart that even when things are not fair, you still have a forgiving nature and your are not full of anger and frustration. Thank you God for teaching me a lesson through my son.